Sunday, August 21, 2011


I am sort of in a mild bonked state, so maybe I should not be blogging.

I saw a cardiologist yesterday finally, and got the results of my 30 day monitoring. They say my heart is very healthy, and that I am probsbly just overexerting myself. I'm going to get some blood work done to see if there are any problems, but the P.A. who talked to me said I shouldn't be running as hard as I have been, from his point of view. He basically said I should never have my heart rate go as high as 184 (220- my age), and I should try to keep it under 156 (85% of that). I was all "Nuh-uh!" I quoted what I'd read in Runner's World and other articles saying that the 200-your age thing is inaccurate. He basically said that information was for athletes, kinda suggesting I was not one. What he did get me to agree with is if running at a high rate was giving me palpitations and making me not feel well, I should stop. I said I'd buy that.

I did a 2 mile swim/6 mile run today, and had some mild palpitations about 3 miles into the run, but I just took it easier, and was able to finish the race by slowing down a bit. At least I didn't walk this time. I wasn't happy about my performance (1:10 swim, 1 hour run), but I mostly just did this race for fun anyways. It's the kind of event that I would have dreamed about when I was in better shape. I decided just to do it, even though I wouldn't be competitive, because being healthy enough to be able to do a 2 mile swim/6 mile run is something to celebrate.

Some other big news is that Raybon's company just announced Thursday they will be discontinuing all products he is working on. He will have to find a new job, although it is hard to say whether he will be laid off very soon or in a few months or a year.

The job thing... I did have a dream the night after the announcement that someone asked me if I was going to have a second baby soon, and I started crying saying my husband was going to lose his job. Yes, we are talking about another, but with potentially being without health insurance, it makes sense to put it off. It is funny, I have a lot of anxiety related to another baby anyways, but when the option is seemingly taken away, in my dreams I realize there is a large part of me that does want another.

Sounds sad, but really I'm keeping pretty upbeat about it. Our mortgage payments are quite low, he'll get a tiny bit of severance on top of unemployment. So subconsciously, there is some pain and nervousness, but I am barely noticing it. I think everything will work out for the best. We'll have to tighten our belts even more, but that will be OK. If Raybon is out of work for a while, there are some upsides. Raybon will have more time at home with me and Rory. I'll have more time to train potentially, although less money to do so. There are other fun things I could do to save money like growing veggies and baking bread.

I want to say things will be fine, but truthfully we never know what will happen exactly. I'll just do my best to put my trust in God and try to have faith that he has a plan, even though things seem so bad at times, it's hard to understand it.