Wednesday, May 31, 2006


I saw Beck last night with Emma and Raybon. The first time I saw Beck was about 6 years ago, I think. I fell totally in love. He was just so amazingly talented and funny. He was such a showman: incredibly entertaining, but not at all full of himself. When it was over, I walked away and said "That was awesome." Raybon was a little annoyed.

Emma and I confessed our secret crushes on Beck in our previous lives. We both admitted to having just little crushes on him still. Emma is a great person to go to a show with. She is really funny and fun. I can see why she would have a crush on Beck. They both manage to be somehow passionate and ironic at the same time.

The picture above is of the puppet show that Beck had with him. It was on the main screen almost the whole show. They showed the puppet band rocking out instead of the actual band. They didn't much show the actual band except when the puppets were holding the camera. They played a bit of a video they made with he and the band members narrating the puppets visit around Flip. They hit the Boardwalk and the beach. It was so cool seeing them hang out at my favorite place. (I'm such a dork. Can you hear my valley girl accent?) The puppets hung out with some girls at the beach and made some hilarious comments like "60% of all marionette injuries are the result of lying between 2 women" and "What SPF is that you are wearing? It's totally hot." I hope they put it up on the internet. I'd like to watch it again.

My favorite Beck line of all time isn't a lyric. When asked by an interviewer if he agreed that he was the Dylan of the 90's, he replied "No, I think of myself more as the Bon Jovi of the 60's."

I hurt my foot about 3/4 of the way through the show, and thought I should probably find a place to sit down. I couldn't. He just kept playing song after song that I loved. "Sexx Laws", "Where It's At", "Loser." (My foot feels fine today. Temporary cramp, I guess.) I had fun dancing. I almost managed to dance like nobody was watching. I don't get how some people don't dance at shows. How can their heart be in the music if their body isn't?

I don't know, Pooh

I'm supposed to do a swim this weekend. I'm not as excited about it as I might be. I've been working on improving my crawl technique, so right now my stroke feels slow and awkward. I feel all whiny about it. Do I want to go to do a 2 mile swim and 1 mile swim?

What might I get out of going to do the race this weekend? A good workout? Maybe, but I don't have to drive and pay a bunch of money to get a good workout. Stress? Probably. Maybe I'll ask my coach what I should do, since he's the one who is making me work on my stroke. Bwa ha ha. Like I don't know what he'll say. He'll tell me to go anyways. As if he'd ever tell me to not race. I'm afraid if I put my game face on, I'll let my stroke get sloppy. But if I don't put my game face on, what's the point of racing? Would I have fun? I didn't like the swim last year, because my ankle was hurt a few weeks before, and I didn't have my kick back yet. I had a cramp, and it was crowded, and the pack went out really fast. My favorite part was hanging out with my fellow swimmers a bit.

Monday, May 29, 2006

Another coincidence!

I got home from work today around 3. I know it is a Holiday, but there was a network emergency. Raybon went to see X Men without me, which was just fine with me. When I got home, I baked brownies for our new neighbors across the street. He got home and I asked him if he wanted to bring the brownies with me. He said he had just heard on NPR today a thing about why you shouldn't bring people housewarming gifts. I didn't really believe him, but it is true. Check it our yourself:

I listened to it, and wasn't convinced. I mean big deal if they don't like the brownies. It's the thought that counts, right? Even if they are all diabetic.

I want to bring them the brownies anyways. It will be like testing fate. If they like the brownies, it will mean that coincidences are just coincidences, and I shouldn't take them seriously. If they don't like them, or things turn out badly (they are axe murderers that I have invited into my life), it will mean I should read something into coincidences. Does this test seem totally illogical to you? It sure does to me. It presumes that somehow this coincidence is more significant than other coincidences, that it can somehow serve as evidence that coincidences are more than coincidences.

What should I do? I am paralyzed. Raybon thinks I shouldn't bring them. He refuses to come with me. He's afraid. He thinks their children will sneak behind me and stab me in the calves with pen knives. Anyone want some brownies?

Coincidence or not?

Yesterday I had coffee at Lulu's with Raybon, Eleven, Mr. Eleven, and 007. I bought my decaf nonfat mocha, and then asked for change for a dollar, thinking ahead for parking for noon time swimming. This is something I never do. I put a quarter in the tip jar. After I left Lulu's, Raybon and I went to the drugstore. Outside, a guy asked me for 75 cents. Coincidence or not? Was a chain of events just set in place that my parking change was a crucial step in? What if my sole purpose in life was to give that guy my parking change? Would that be depressing? I think it would be, even if it was a pretty important chain of events set in motion. I think in part our purpose in life is to be instruments of God's will, but the main thing it is to be loved by God and others, and to love God and others.

Another funny thing: I was writing about this incident a while ago, before I posted the poem by my Dad below. For some reason, the post about the Lulu's incident didn't get published, but his poem did. I had pasted it into Microsoft Word, like I do sometimes to spell and grammar check my blogs. After I saw that my post had somehow got erased, I decided to just copy and paste it again from Word. Then the power went out! Just for a few seconds, but apparently my UPS needs a new battery, because I lost my work. And usually when this happens, Word recovers the document the next time you turn it on. It didn't happen this time. Coincidence or not? I talked to my Dad about it. He thinks it is all just a coincidence. It freaked me out a little bit. My former post was a little longer... I was posting about fate and coincidence, when I was given more reason to consider the role of fate and coincidence in my life. God? Satan? Coincidence? Fate? I don't know. Here I go, about to publish. Let's see if the power goes out again.

Memorial Day

My dad wrote this poem about the photo of my Grandma and Grandpa that my Aunt sent him. It is on his blog at

Memorial Day Reflections on a Hero Lost

My mother and my father smile at me through the ages in the photograph

Champagne glasses in hand, they toast the whole, wide world.

Nothing to fear.

This was to be the last day they would spend together in this world.

The last time she would smile for years to come.

Nothing but tears.

A woman, a man, three little children, a family.

What are they to a world at war? Do they matter as much as falling leaves?

Nothing important.

Half a century later, I stare into the eyes of the father I never knew

Except to mourn the loss of. Everyday is Memorial Day for us.

Nothing but memories.

Some say he died a hero, to leave the world a better, safer place.

Maybe so, but not for one little family. And heroes still fall like leaves.

Nothing changes.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Am I mean?

Today was a chore day. Raybon did a ton of laundry. I was about to go clean the kitchen when he asked me to fold some clothes. I said, "Sure, do you want to clean the kitchen?" He said no, so I told him I was going to clean the kitchen instead of folding the clothes.

I went to visit him for a second while he was folding the clothes. One of Raybon's pet peeves is that when I take my tops off, I always leave them inside out. They get washed that way, and then he has to put them right side in when he hangs them up or folds them. Have you ever seen the show Monk? It's a show about an obsessive compulsive detective that Raybon and I both like. We took the "Are You Monkish?" quiz online once. It said that Raybon was more Monkish than most, and that I wasn't at all Monkish. There was one episode where Monk thinks he is getting revenge on some people by loading up their trucks unevenly. A normal person wouldn't care, but since it would drive Monk crazy to have his stuff uneven, he thinks he is getting at them. Raybon threatened to hang my clothes up inside out. I laughed, because I didn't care whether or not they were inside out or not. I told him he was being like Monk in the episode I just described. He thinks he is getting me, but he isn't at all, because I don't care.

I'm not sure which of us is the weirdo here. Probably it's me. Raybon thinks it's ridiculous that I have my underwear on inside out about half the time. I can't see why I should care. No one important sees me in my underwear. (Heh, heh.) I imagine most people probably care about whether their underwear is on inside out or not. If I was wearing sexy underwear, I might care, but I usually just wear cotton underwear. Except for the tag and Victoria's Secret being backwards, it looks the same, and it feels the same.

Raybon got really annoyed at me when I laughed at him about the laundry thing. He locked me out of the room. He even kicked Willow out, although I don't think she was laughing at him, too. He cooled off. I asked him if he was mad, and he said I was just being really annoying and mean for making fun of him. Was I? Maybe that is not the point. What is the lesson to be learned here? Don't make fun of Raybon? That would not be fair. He makes fun of me a lot. Don't make fun of him in a way that compares him to people who have mental disorders? Maybe I'm on to something.

Catalina vs. English Channel

I'm starting to lean more towards the Catalina Channel, if I decide to do a channel crossing. In her book on the A History of the Catalina Channel Swims Since 1927 Dr. Penny Lee Dean says "The Catalina Channel swim is comparable to the English Channel in conditions, difficulty, distance, and challenge to the swimmer." And it's right here for goodness sakes. I grew up in Southern California. My family lives there. The closest major cross street to the house I grew up on was Channel Islands Boulevard! My Dad grew up in San Pedro! (The Catalina Channel is officially called the San Pedro Channel.) There is a lot that would be fun about doing the English Channel instead. I'm sure I would meet lots of fascinating people in England, and Raybon has always wanted to take me to Europe. But I'm an extreme introvert and a homebody. Just being in a foreign country would be overwhelming for me, and I see no reason to include that challenge for me in what will already be a challenging swim. Both experiences would eclipse each other. I have friends who have said they would like to be on the boat with me if I cross the English Channel. I hope that they would like to be with me if I cross the Catalina Channel, because that is one of the reasons I would rather swim it. I want to make it easier for my friends and family to be there for me.

Another reason for wanting to do the Catalina Channel: I'll still have the English Channel to dream about. Maybe someday later in my life, I'll do it. Maybe not, but I can live with that. I don't know what my future will bring, but it would be nice to have it to look forward to. (This might be the Japanese in me. I saw a thing on T.V. about a factory in Japan where they made custom bikes. Even though they had them ready not too long after someone placed their order, they would keep them in the factory a little longer before they shipped them out. They knew that the anticipation was part of the fun.)

Summer resolutions

I need toI hope to get motivated to eat healthier. I think I may go back to Weight Watchers meetings. Maybe this blog should become like Bridget Jones's diary, where I list my calories, alcohol units, and cigarettes. Oh, wait, I don't really smoke, rarely drink. I haven't felt much like eating lately, so it seems as good a time as any to lose weight.

I need toIt would be nice if I was neater. Have a tidier house and yard.

Need to... Should... I'm trying to get away from those words. "I hope to" sounds kind of weak. There is that part of me that can force myself to do things. My ego, I guess. I do it kind of jokingly to myself. I say silly things like "I am a pillar of discipline." I find this entertaining for a while, and then I get bored with it. I prove myself that I am a pillar of discipline, and once I've done that for about a month, it isn't as entertaining anymore.

Eating healthy is good for you! Duh! I've kind of felt like crap lately. I'm going to do a little experiment and eat healthier and tell you all how it goes. I think the initial part of the experiment will be following WW again. I'm going to include the 6 servings of fruits/vegetables that are supposed to be part of the diet, rather than just counting points. I hope I'll feel better.

Friday, May 26, 2006


Wow, I actually went 36 hours without blogging. A new record! I started blogging 11 days ago. I copied and pasted my blog into Word to see how many page I'd get. Nine pages, single-spaced, 12 pt Times New Roman, without the pictures. I have sort of an addictive personality, and this is just my latest addiction. Most of my addictions sort of come and go. Let's go backwards through my addictions: blogging, MarioKart, Sudoku, knitting, swimming, eating, working, buying a House. MarioKart fell by the wayside to blogging. I don't MarioKart anymore, but that was a two week long addiction. I had the Mario theme in my head all the time, and when I closed my eyes to sleep I would see Mario. Sudoku just got boring. Knitting starting causing me pain in my hands. I still knit, but only a few rows a day. Being a workaholic caused me serious damage, details of which I'd rather not go into. I know that it is just not worth it.

Eating. Overeating. I was kind of on the chunky side a couple of years ago. I joined Weight Watchers and lost 40 lbs, 20 lbs of which has come back on. I wanted to put on 10 lbs, but I couldn't stop, so now I am 10 lbs more than I want to be. I need to get back to looking at food differently. When I was a little more obsessive about swimming, I was better about my diet. I stayed away from dairy and sugar, because I thought it would help my swimming. It didn't help as much as I wanted it to, so one day when I swam a 1500 about 30 seconds slower than I thought I should, I gave up. I'd like to start eating healthier again anyway.

Swimming is my favorite addiction, one which I don't feel guilty about at all. It is nothing but good for me. It doesn't get boring. It is always challenging, and I'm always learning something new. I also meet nice people swimming. And it has lasted 3 years, unlike many of my little fads that come and go. I think it is more of a lifestyle thing at this point than an addiction.

I used to be kind of obsessive about swimming to the point that if I had a bad day, I would fret about whether I didn't get enough recovery, whether I didn't eat right, whether my allergies were acting up, blah blah blah. I think it actually slowed me down, because I worried about all that stuff, and I wasn't confident when I swam. I wanted some kind of super X-ray machine that would tell me what my glycogen stores were, whether my muscles were torn or fatigued, what my fat enzyme levels were, what my hemoglobin levels were. Silly, silly me. It's not like I'll ever even be a fast swimmer. So much worry over a few seconds per 100. I finally just decided I would push myself in workout as much as I felt up to, and just be happy with that. That's actually worked out a lot better. It really does seem to be more about the mental than the physical when it comes to performance.

Blogging: will this last much longer? I enjoy it. I like it when people comment on my blog. Thank you, all of you who have commented, either on the blog or off. (See my profile at right, noting that attention is one my favorite things.) I feel like I've been a little happier since I started blogging, and I haven't really figured out why. Self-expression is a good thing I guess. For someone as quiet as I am, I am pretty verbose. I don't think I can ever get everything out when I'm talking to someone. I feel greedy when I talk about myself (not that it stops me.) I'm just taking up some kilobytes on a server somewhere, some bandwidth here and there, when I blog. No one has to read it if they don't want to, and I'm so pleased when anyone does. Thank you, thank you, to all of my adoring fans out there. Ha ha ha ha. I probably only have 4 people who read my blog regularly. These are all people that I should know love me anyways, whether or not they read my blog. Who cares about should though? It is a little narcissistic, but whatever gets me through the night... Good night.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

I'm a bad wife

Raybon sent me flowers for our anniversary. I like getting flowers. Aren't they pretty? They were waiting for me on our doorstep when we got home from our dinner after work. They were, however, very fragrant. Distractingly so. I usually work from home, so I put them in the laundry room. I figured I would put them back before Raybon got home. Unfortunately, I rushed out of the house on the way to the beach (the usual frantic search for my keys), and forgot to put them back in the front room. He got home before I got back from the beach. He says I don't get flowers anymore. :(

Truthfully, I think I like the idea of flower more than I like flowers. When I get them, I am bad about watering them. They don't stay alive that long. But don't stop sending me flowers! Please! They are lovely, surprising, and calorie free (well, as long as I don't eat them.)

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Lovely day!

Today was a good day. I felt great. The government must be putting prozac in the chemtrails this week. I was fairly productive working at home. I swam at Cowell's with Eleven, Oceana, and V. this evening. The water was lovely. So beautiful and deep and foamy and cool. Not too cold, just cold enough to be invigorating. I spent sometime at my favorite place on the planet, buoy #4.

Eleven, V. (I need to come up with an alias for her), and Oceana are half of my Trans-Tahoe team. The other half are me, my Mom, and V's dad. I want to call our team the "Mutated, Ill Tempered Sea Bass with Laser Beams on their Heads." Maybe just the "Mutated Sea Bass" for short. Nobody else has come up with any ideas, so we might end up being that by default. Well, I thought it was funny anyways.

I have already sung the praises of Eleven and Oceana, but this is V's first blog mention. V is a super cool person I swim Masters with. I think of all the people I've met at Masters she is the least competitive. Being a super competitive person myself, I am sensitive to these things. She is intelligent, considerate, humble, and funny. She went away to France for a quarter (she is a lit Ph.D. student) to teach. I missed her, because she is always so pleasant to swim with. Hooray for nice people!

007 met us at the beach just to cheer us on. What a sweetie! I feel so lucky to have met such cool people swimming. 007 is my hero. She used to be about my speed, but now she kicks my ass. Seeing her swim a lane up for me now is my inspiration for trying to get faster. Hooray for 007!

Bon Voyage, Oxy!

I didn't get a chance to say good bye to Oxy. She is on her way to Japan! Have fun Oxy!
Above is not a picture of Oxy, but her doppelganger. Oxy is shy, and since I don't have her permission to use her picture, I thought I'd use a picture of her doppelganger instead. I went skiing with E&D and M&S and felt her absence. Then in my ski class, there was a girl who looked just like Oxy! It was bizarre. It really felt like Oxy was there. I wanted to ask her to take a group picture with us, but Raybon was embarrassed. This is all we got of her, but if you are impressed by the resemblance from the back, you should have seen her from the front.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

My Dad's Blog

Here is a cool article my Dad wrote about faith. I guess blogging runs in my family. I'd be flattered if you saw some family resemblance.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Happy Anniversary!

Today is our 7th wedding anniversary. I don't know why, but 7 feels like a very significant number. My former massage therapist used to say you have to fall in love again every 7 years, because all of the molecules in your bones are replaced in 7 year. You have to know you are in love in your bones.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Apologies to all of my friends

I have to explain something. See below post about "Another thwarted swim." Someone felt like I was implying that she and the rest of my crowd are square, even though what I said was "not that my usual crowd is full of squares." They are not squares. My friends are all wonderfully original people. Most of them are freethinkers. A lot of them are very different than anyone else I've ever met, which is why I like them. I'm not sure what I meant when I said Oceana "knows more people who aren't as mainstream as my usual crowd." I don't know what I meant by mainstream. I don't think my friends are mainstream. They really, really aren't. The truth is, I have only met a couple of Oceana's friends who weren't in my circle of friends before I met her. So seeing as that there is some overlap anyways, it's not like we're from different planets. Oceana was just telling me about the perspectives of people from hippie culture. Oceana isn't a hippy, and neither am I. I briefly fell into a crowd of hippies when I first got to Flip Flop, so I am partially projecting my hippy experience on her friends, and partially exaggerating what she told me about them. I think maybe what I meant was that she gives me more of the hippy perspective than my other friends do.

My friends are Flip Floppers, so we are definitely hippy influenced, but not hippies. I feel like my friends and I have more ties to mainstream culture than what I imagine hippies have. If I had a daughter, and someone gave her a Barbie, I would probably agonize over whether or not to let he keep it. I imagine a hippy would refuse it, return it, or throw it out. I would probably return it, but it would be a struggle. I would have as many important people in my life who thought I was nuts (Raybon's family) as people who thought it was a great idea (my friends.) I think most of my friends are in a similar position. Someone once told me that Barbara Kingsolver gave up and let her child have a Barbie, so she felt OK with giving up on that struggle. Oxy says hippies probably have ties to mainstream culture, too. This is true, because you can't help it and live in this society. I think it is a matter of where you are on the spectrum.

I'm sorry I made a comparison. That wasn't my point. I was just trying to say Oceana has a different subcultural perspective, and I like hearing other perspectives. My friends' subcultural perspective isn't mainstream necessarily, but it just isn't the same subcultural perspective that Oceana's friends have.

Attacked in the night

I was in bed last night when Raybon came in from taking the dog out to do her business. I hear him yell "Oh f**k!" I yell back, "Are you OK?" He doesn't answer for a while. He then explains that he just got attacked by a huge bug. He sounds a little freaked out and asks for my help finding it. I don't have my contacts in, I explained. Before I have a chance to grab my glasses, he finds it. He says it is a huge, totally weird looking insect. He catches it in a glass. I come out to look at it and explain to him that it is just a cricket. Crickets are good luck in Japanese culture, I explain, so he should not be afraid. He asks for my help taking it outside, which I do. When I come out with the cricket in the glass with a paper underneath it, the neighbors laugh. They probably heard us yelling. Below is a picture of the killer cricket. To Raybon's credit, he took this photo and forwarded it to me so I could post it on the blog. He is a good sport. This is just one in a series of Raybon's encounters with killer animals that I could post about. I always laugh my ass off at him. Killer doe (a deer, a female deer), killer golden retriever. Raybon was attacked by his cocker spaniel when he was a little kid, and sent to the hospital and got stitches in his face. His parents kept the dog. He walked around in fear with a screwdriver in his pocket. So his fear is understandable. If I ever get dragged off face first into the woods by a mountain lion, I'll probably feel like I had it coming for laughing at Raybon.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Should I swim the English Channel?

After reading Lynn Cox's autobiography, Swimming to Antarctica, I decided I wanted to swim the English Channel. This was about a year and a half ago. I thought I would build up to it. Last year I swam a 4 mile ocean swim on my 30th birthday. This year I wanted to do the Pier to Pier swim (10K), but it got canceled this year. My subsquent swims would be Trans-Tahoe (the width, 12 miles), the Catalina Channel (22 miles), then the English Channel (21 miles). The thing is, I am 30, and not getting any younger. I really need to start thinking about having kids soon if I am going to have them. If I did the Pier to Pier next year, Tahoe the next year, Catalina the next, and the English Channel the next, I would be 35 before I started having kids. People do it, but that's not the way I want to do it. After giving it some thought, I decided I would probably erase the English Channel off my list of things to do before I die, rather than check it off. Swimming it after I have kids is a possibility, but having kids is such a huge adventure in itself, I don't know where it would take me. I can't say for sure I would swim it, and I feel pretty sure that it wouldn't be a priority.

A couple of weeks ago I met a coach from another Masters team and one of her swimmers. They were at the beach training. The swimmer is doing the English Channel this year. The coach has already done the English Channel. I got the impression that the swimmer didn't have the background in swimming that I have. She was a triathlete and marathon runner, so she does have a lot more experience in endurance sports than I do. I was taken aback a bit when the coach tried to encourage me to do the Channel next year. She said don't wait, forget about those other swims. She said I didn't know what would happen in the future, I might not get a chance to ever do it if I wait. Exactly my thought, and the reason I had thought I would never be able to do it.

Should I? Should I? Should I? I don't know. She was very inspiring. I think I would need someone like her to cheer me on. She was so encouraging. It was a great thing to see her encouraging her swimmer through her doubts. Eleven says if I really want to do it, I should find out what the next step would be. Eleven is great that way. She is so good at asking the right questions, looking for next steps, weighing options. I have the perfect place to train for it, and I love training. Why not try? Why am I asking you? I want to collect people's opinions. But maybe instead I should look for good reasons instead of thinking this is a democracy. I have one person whose done it who thinks I can. I have lots of people who would cheer me on. OK, give me good points. I promise not to treat this like a democracy.

Sometimes I think the reason I have problems making decisions is because I want God to chime in and tell me what to do. If I can't hear his voice clearly, I feel like I can't make a decision. I don't hear his voice very often. I don't think most people do. And a I mistrust a lot of people who say they do. Sometimes I think I don't want to hear God's voice. There are some things I want very badly, and I'm afraid that he doesn't want them for me. But one of the few things I have felt God tell me is to trust that he wants good things for me. Maybe knowing that should be enough to make me less afraid to take risks. Even if I take the wrong step, there is always forgiveness.

Friday, May 19, 2006


These are pictures of my puppy dog that Raybon took with his cell phone. Isn't she just the cutest little baby dog ever? Am I being sickening?

Another thwarted swim

Oceana and I tried swimming in the ocean yesterday, but alas, it was not meant to be. We were just deciding whether or not to get out because it was too cold (we're not wimps, but Oceana is expecting) and the ocean took Oceana's goggles. It was OK, though. Oceana and I went for a walk along West Cliff. We hadn't had a good talk for a while, so it was almost worth missing the swim. Oceana is the best friend I've made swimming. We are similar speeds and both love the ocean and have good cold tolerance. It's kind of funny, before we met we had close mutual friends who didn't even know each other. She is smart, which is cool, because I like smart people. (Nothing against all you dumb people out there. Just kidding. All of my friends are smart.) She also gives me different perspectives, because she knows more people who aren't as mainstream as my usual crowd. (Not that my usual crowd is full of squares.) The picture to the left is us about to swim on my 30th birthday. She swam 4 miles with me! For this she has my undying gratitude. See, that is one good thing about me. While I can hold a grudge until doomsday, cool people can earn my undying gratitude.

Much sadness

My coach hates me. About my favorite thing to do is to swim around the wharf. I tell him I have surgery on June 16th, and what does he do? Schedule our annual swim around the wharf for June 17th. Okay, last year it was on June 18th, so maybe it's not personal. Fortunately, my surgery was rescheduled for June 9th, so maybe I'll be back in the water in time. His efforts to thwart my happiness may be in vain. Hopefully nothing will stop me from doing the race around the wharf in August. And maybe this should just give me some extra incentive to do the Flip Flop Urinal Triathlon, so I can get my two swims around it a year in.

Thank you, Jay!

I swam this morning. Jay was waiting in the parking lot with a dish I left at his house for the swimming Christmas party. He drove up at 6:00 a.m. in the morning just to give me my dish. I almost feel bad. I haven't seen him for a long time. He had surgery and hasn't been able to swim. :( I certainly know how hard it is being injured. Anyway, thank you, thank you! I missed my dish.

I got my ass kicked in workout today. It was so hard, I felt like throwing up. That'll teach me to not eat so poorly hopefully. See post below.


For a couple of weeks I didn't feel much like eating. I unfortunately didn't use the opportunity to lose weight. I ate, but joylessly. Yesterday I didn't want to do anything but eat. I went to the health food store in my home in Upper Flip Flop, intending to fill my cart with healthy food to eat. But there was a package of Applegate Farms salami on sale. Nitrate free, organic, and 60% fat. It was like a sign from God. (Salami was pretty much my favorite food growing up. When I was vegetarian, salami was my one temptation. I snuck it a couple of times from a buffet table at my grandma's house.) Then I bought some cheddar cheese sourdough bread. I ate half the loaf of bread and all of the salami. For lunch I had a smoothie, trying to be good. But for dinner, I had Jack in the Box fried chicken strips and french fries. Then on my way home, I bought some vegan carrot cake from New Leaf. Mmmmm.... When I got home, Raybon had some ice cream in the freezer for his dessert, and we shared it. Ben and Jerry's Turtle Soup. Sooooo gooood. This morning I look kind of like the dog on the left there. Bloated. Gross. Not my usual super-sexy self. I'll try to be good today. I'm off to swim, so that is a good start.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Free Palm to the first person to comment!

Please don't take it unless you need one. If you already have one that is relatively new, then don't. It's a little scratched, but other than that it is pretty cool. I almost like it better than my new one, but my new one is also a phone, so that's just one less thing to carry.

Seaweed girl reserves the right to refuse the Palm to anyone at her discretion. Employees of Seaweed girl and residents of Vermont cannot participate in this give away.

Stupid tennis tournament

I went to swim at noon, and all the parking was taken up by a stupid tennis tournament. I thought about going to swim in the ocean instead, but decided to go home and do weights and stretch instead. I live 30 minutes from the pool, and traffic was even worse today, so not getting to swim is a bummer. So close, but so far.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Blind Date

I just got home from work. Raybon had a long meeting he couldn't get out of. I ate alone at P.F. Chang's. I had the Asian chicken salad, which was mediocre, and a Riesling, which got the job done, I guess. I sat at the bar next to a couple who seemed to be on a first date, or at least didn't know each other well. They were a cute middle aged couple. She had orange hair with blond streaks, kind of fried, like it was supposed to be curly but she had straightened it. She was petite, short with a decent figure. He was a little heavy set, with dark grey hair and a goatee. They dressed nicely. She wore a short black and white skirt. He wore a button down shirt. They were nice and talked to me a little. She was a mom, I'm not sure about him. They talked about dating a little, about Craigslist. She told him how she had a laundry list, how non-smoker was on it. It was kind of loud, so I didn't get a chance to hear much of their conversation, but I got a good vibe from them. They weren't fabulous in any way I could observe, but they seemed like good people. Neither of them seemed to nervous or insecure or desperate. I remember once sitting next to a couple in an Italian restaurant on what seemed to be a blind date, and it was awful. The woman was just the biggest bitch. She asked him intrusive, piercing psycho-analytic questions in an examining tone like "Was your father affectionate?", and then proceeded to scoff at his answers. He is obviously intimidated by her. Tonight's couple on the other hand seemed to enjoy each other's company.

I hope they work out. I am sending my positive energy out to them. In my litle fairy tale head, they live happily ever after. He gets a long well with her son. She makes him a sack lunch for work, which he heartily appreciates. They continue trying to look attractive for each other, and are always pleasant and loving, grateful for each other, and never take each other for granted.

While I'm at it, why don't I make up an ending for the Italian restaurant couple, too. They end up sleeping together, joyously, just because it's been too long since either of them have had sex. When they run into each other at a 7-11 two months later, they pretend not to know each other. She continues going on blind dates, because she hates men, and loves to tear them to pieces with her questions. He never goes on another internet date, and moves in with his Mom after losing his dotcom job. Surely, you can come up with a better ending than this.

Unsolicited Advice

Unsolicited advice used to be a pet peeve of mine. I don't think it is so much anymore. I think what bugs me is if people seem insistent that I listen to their advice, and get mad if I don't. If they just offer it up so I can take it or leave it, it is OK. I'm getting a lot of advice lately, some solicited, some not.

Advice from my massage therapist: have a baby now if you want one, don't wait; be more assertive.

Advice from my godmother, E.K.: have a baby now, it will help your marriage and make you happy; have a positive outlook in life.

Advice from my stretching teacher: check out

Advice from Eleven: try to forgive, try not to be angry.

Advice from my marriage counselor: try to forgive, believe that your husband loves you, despite what you may feel.

AAAHHHH!!!! Maybe I am like a sponge, ready to soak in wisdom. Maybe I look like a little lost lamb, and everyone wants to help me find my way back home. Maybe that is why I have a blog, so more people will give me advice.

Take back the rainbow!

This is a picture of the award I received for swimming a 1650 butterfly. I put it proudly on my swimming backpack. It is a pin, so it goes on pretty easily. It was a fun event to swim, and since I'm not a very fast swimmer, it was fun to do something that felt like an accomplishment even if I didn't swim it very fast. It doesn't feel as much like bragging to put it on because it is just for participation, not for winning.

Here's the thing: Oxy and Raybon think people will associate it with gay pride. I didn't think much of it, because it is my swimming backpack, and mostly I just bring it to the beach and the pool. Swimmers will see the 1650 borboleta with the butterfly picture and get what it means. But I was walking around with it downtown, where I met Oxy and Raybon after I went to the beach to swim with my swimming buddies. I took it off after they mentioned it, but I think I'll put it back on. I don't want to get hit on by women, but then again, I don't want to get hit on by men. I really don't care if strangers think I'm gay.

I have mixed feelings about all this. On the one hand I want to put it on, and don't mind showing support for gay people. On the other hand, as my friend Patrick and my brother have both pointed out, it really isn't fair for a group to monopolize the rainbow. Or a color for that matter. But maybe they aren't trying to monopolize it, they are just using it. It is society's fault for making being gay such a huge issue that people don't want to associate themselves with something that is widely known as being a gay symbol. I mean no one sees me wearing pink and says "Oh, how great that you are supporting breast cancer research." Pink can just be pink. Why can't a rainbow just be a rainbow? I think by wearing the pin just because I like it and not because it means anything else is in a small way making the world a better place for both rainbows and gay people. It just should not be that big of a deal.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Hooray for Starbucks!

This is going to drive Oxy nuts. I went to Starbucks this morning, because I know they accept credit cards for small amounts, thinking I didn't have any cash. But I had forgotten that not only did I not have any cash, I had no wallet. So I went in and ordered, and then realized I had no money, before they were able to start my drink. I jokingly asked if they'd give it to me for free. They did! And they were so nice and friendly about it. They said that I just needed to come back and see them again. I said I would. Did I just sell my soul for a free mocha?

I may start becoming pro-Starbucks. I am all for supporting local business, but Starbucks is friendly, cheap, attitude-free, yummy, and fast. And they treat their workers decently. Maybe I am just baiting Oxy, but I now have to go back to that Starbucks at least once and put the amount for a mocha in their tip jar.

I had breakfast with Camille this morning after swimming. She made me a lovely spinach omelette. She is so enthusiastic. I hope she will inspire me to let my goofy, enthusiastic side out in front of people other than Raybon and Oxy.

Later that day...

I actually went to Starbucks again today to make up for the drink I didn't pay for. The guy either didn't recognize me, or he was afraid of getting in trouble with the sup. I put in a $5.00 tip, and bought frapuccino's for myself and E.K. Now I feel relieved that I don't have to feel pressured to go back there again. But my argument still stands, sort of. I wonder how much the Koffee Kat pays it's workers? That would be a deal cincher if their employees were treated well.

E.K. and I had lunch today, previous to Starbucks. We went to the new Sushi Place Rumble Fish in S.V. It was not too bad. Miso and tempura were pretty good. The sashimi was decent, although not fabulous. I miss Aoi, though. I kind of like the nice homey Japanese feel it had.

It was fun hanging out with E.K. She tried to make me pinky swear that I would have a baby in the next year. I refused. Why would I promise something like that, with nothing to gain? If I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it. It's just the kind of thing you should reserve the right to change your mind about (at least until you are pregnant.) After that, at least for me, there is no going back. She did get me to pinky swear that I would try to have a positive attitude in life. I think that is a theme for me lately. I'm hearing over and over again that I should learn to forgive people. I've been trying. I don't normally have a problem with forgiving people who give me sincere apologies, but I can bear a grudge like no one's business if I don't have an apology. But I have to realize that apology or no, there is a benefit to myself to forgiving others. I know this from experience. I'll live life more fully if I can forgive and free myself from any attachment to hurt that I have been caused.

E.K. is a cool person. She is different from me in a lot of ways, but I appreciate her perspective in life. I think one cool thing I took away from our conversation today is that to enjoy life fully, you have to take risks. You'll never know until you try with a lot of things.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Very Mondayish Monday

I got up at 5 this morning to swim, which was a little hard since I got to bed late. I am feeling kind of tired. It was a long active weekend full of swimming and kayaking. I went and got a massage after swimming. My massage guy used this menthol stuff. I think it turned me into a koala because I slept a lot of the rest of the day. What a bum. I think it kind of pisses people off that when I'm tired I just don't work. Not too many people have that kind of job where they can do that. I hope tomorrow is more productive. I think I'll go to bed early tonight and see if all will go smoothly.

I brought my brownie cupcakes to swimming. I didn't have enough for the entire Masters morning crew, so I left them in my car and just gave them away to some of the people who stay almost the whole workout like I do. I tried to give some to my coach, but he had already left by the time I got back from my car. I stood around in the parking lot and gave them to people as they were leaving. It was a little embarrassing. In general, I find being a sweetie pie kind of embarrassing. Raybon tells me I shouldn't be embarrassed about being a nice person. Today was really one of those "should have stayed in bed" kind of days. I know it when I forget my suit at home. Luckily, Cindy was sweet enough to lend me one of hers. What else? Oh, bad driving. I went and got my car washed at one of the gas station drive thru places, and almost forgot to put the gas cap back on. Actually, I did forget, but luckily the person in back of me noticed. I hope this whole blog doesn't turn out to be about what an idiot I am. But some of my favorite writers spend most of their time talking about what idiots they are, so I think it may end up being like that.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

My first blog

For a long time, I thought starting a blog would be a bad idea.  I have a small problem with over-exposing myself to complete strangers.  Also, my husband Raybon is such a huge part of my life, I feel like my life isn't really my own to share with the rest of the world without his permission.  So this will be an exercise in learning some kind of balance in discretion and expression.  I started journaling in junior high, not because I had private thoughts I wanted no one else to read, but because I felt like I needed to write, and didn't have anyone to write to.

I spent the first half of the day cleaning up the house and baking cupcakes.  Baking is a hobby of mine.  I usually make things from scratch, because it really isn't that much more trouble and usually tastes better.  Plus it's fun, and I'm a little bit of a show-off.  (Bad habit I'm trying to break.  I've been much happier since I've learned to relax and not realize life isn't all about impressing other people.)  But today I made the cupcakes from a mix, because I had it lying around (when I make an ice cream cake, I use a mix because it tastes just as good, and it's enough trouble to make the cake using a mix), and I figured they are just cupcakes.  I mostly just wanted to use these sea life shaped sprinkles and bring them to the beach for my ocean swimming buddies.  I totally messed up on the mix.  I forgot to add water.  It was supposed to make 24-28 cupcakes, and I only made like 15.  They were dense, like brownies.  They tasted good, but it was still embarrassing.  The other embarrassing thing was that I added the chocolate chips I was going to use to make the frosting to the cupcake batter.  So I had to improvise a frosting recipe.  Fortunately, everything turned out OK, as long as I advertised them as brownies rather than cupcakes.  But then I forgot my cupcakes at home anyway when I headed to the beach.  Honestly, it may have been a Freudian slip.  I really thought they tasted pretty good, but my hubby couldn't get past the browniness of the cupcakes.  So, I was kind of embarrassed to bring them to the beach.

The ocean was a little cold today.  Maybe 55.  Once I got farther out, it got nice though.  The weather was warm and sunny.  I'm so happy that it's summer, and open water season is starting.  I like my ocean swims and my ocean friends.  I really need to learn to love all the seasons, but I guess I only just learned to love summer, so I guess that is a start.  Last summer, my favorite place in the whole world was buoy #4.  I was sad when they took the buoys away in the fall.  This year buoy #4 is a little closer to shore.  And honestly, the buoys move throughout the summer.  So it's funny that my favorite place moves around, and is really kind of arbitrary anyway.  There is some kind of metaphysical debate that could get started here, but I'm too lazy to get too involved.  I'm kind of thinking about the boat that loses all of its parts slowly over time, but keeps the same crew, etc, is it the same boat, blah blah blah.  Commenters, talk amongst yourselves. 

After swimming I hit downtown Flip Flop.  I went into one of the bookstores to use the bathroom.  A girl in there washed her hands before me, dried them with a towel and tried and missed a throw to the trash can.  I dried my hands and threw away my paper towel while she stood there and debated out loud whether or not she was going to pick up the towel she left on the floor.  She was looking at me, and I wasn't sure whether she expected me to pick it up because I was closer to the trash can.  I thought her debate was for my benefit, that she was too embarrassed to leave the trash on the floor in my presence, but too lazy to pick it up.   She still hadn't picked it up by the time I left the bathroom, and I kind of guess that she didn't pick it up, but I guess I'll never know for sure.  If I wasn't there, I kind of think she wouldn't have thought twice about leaving it there.

I had a nice dinner with Oxymoron and Raybon at our favorite sushi bar.  I haven't seen as much of Oxy as usual.  She is busy with school and her social life.  Having her in school has forced me to try to develop my other friendships some, which has actually been great.  I miss her though.  I'm so glad for her and proud of her for going to grad school and making a career change.  I hope I'll figure out what I want to be when I grow up some time.